✦ Mindset
When You Change the Way You Look at Things, the Things You Look at Change
By Queen of Cups Wellness · July 27, 2026 · 7 min read
Let's Play a Game
Have you ever been in a fantastic mood... singing in the car like you're the headliner at your own concert... windows down, life is beautiful...
...and then someone cuts you off in traffic.
Suddenly you've gone from "What a wonderful world..." to "Sir, I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight."
Here's the funny thing.
The guy who cut you off probably isn't driving around thinking, "Haha, I ruined that Honda driver's whole day."
He's probably late for work.
Or trying not to spill his McDonald's coffee on his man parts.
Or maybe he's just a terrible driver. (Let's be honest — that one's definitely possible if you live in Florida like I do.)
But look how quickly our brains write an entire Netflix documentary based on one five-second interaction. Our brains are dramatic little storytellers. Aren't they?
Wayne Dyer
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
The first time I heard it I thought... Wow. I was all proud of myself thinking I'd just cracked the code of life. But you may be thinking… Mkay, that's nice... but also sounds like something you'd see on a wooden sign at Hobby Lobby. Turns out — it's actually backed by psychology. And neuroscience. Who knew?
Your Brain Is Basically Google... With Anxiety
Here's something wild.
Your brain isn't looking for the truth.
It's looking for proof.
Whatever you already believe... your brain starts collecting receipts.
If you think you're awkward...
Congratulations. Your brain will happily remind you about that embarrassing thing you said in the seventh grade. Every. Single. Time.
If you think nobody likes you...
Your brain suddenly becomes an FBI detective. "She took six hours to text back. Obviously, she hates me." Meanwhile... she was taking a nap. Or chasing a toddler. Or forgot where she left her phone for the third time today.
We fill in so many blanks with stories that aren't even true. And somehow our brains are like... "Yep. That tracks."
When it should be saying… "Press X to doubt."
Here's something that blew my mind when I first learned it.
Most of us go through life thinking our feelings come directly from what happens to us.
They don't.
What Is Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and Why Is It Awesome?
CBT teaches us that there's actually something in the middle. It looks like this:
Notice what's missing?
The situation isn't making you anxious. Your interpretation of the situation is.
Let's say your boss emails, "Can you stop by my office when you have a minute?"
That's the situation. Your brain immediately jumps to:
"Well... this is it. They've finally figured out I'm winging it."
Thank you, Imposter board member. More on that in a minute.
Suddenly your stomach drops. You're distracted all morning. You're mentally updating your résumé before you've even walked down the hallway.
Then you get to the office... and your boss says,
"Hey, great job on that project. I wanted to see if you'd lead the next one."
Cue the awkward laugh. We do this to ourselves all the time.
Your Brain Has Some Weird Habits
Our brains have favorite shortcuts. Psychologists call them cognitive distortions.
I call them... the Drama Queen's favorite hobbies.
A few of the greatest hits:
Mind Reading
"She didn't wave... She definitely hates me."
(Or... she didn't see you because she was wrestling a toddler into a shopping cart.)
Catastrophizing
"I made one mistake." "My career is over."
Easy there, Shakespeare.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
"I ate one cookie." "Well... guess I'll live in the bakery now."
Filtering
Ten people compliment you. One person criticizes you.
Guess which one your brain frames and hangs on the wall?
Everyone laughs because we've all done every single one of those.
Meet Your Board of Directors
This is exactly why I love the Meet the Board framework. Because whenever something happens... your Board immediately calls an emergency meeting. No invitation required.
The Inner Critic
"You embarrassed yourself."
Specializes in filtering out everything you've done well.
The Drama Queen
"This is the beginning of the end."
Has a PhD in catastrophizing.
The Comparison Trap
Somehow finds someone on Instagram handling the exact same situation — way better than you.
Constantly gathering "evidence" that everyone else has their life together.
The People Pleaser
Wants to apologize... for existing.
Practices mind reading before anyone has actually said a word.
The Wise One
Standing quietly in the corner, arms crossed, foot tapping — waiting for everyone else to stop yelling.
She's the one asking, "Okay... what are the actual facts here?"
Sound familiar? Mine does this too.
Some days I feel less like the CEO and more like the unpaid intern trying to keep everyone from setting the office on fire.
The more I learn about CBT, the more I realize... our Board Members are basically walking cognitive distortions.
The Story Is Optional
Here's something I remind myself often.
Events happen.
Real
Stories are created.
Optional
Those aren't the same thing.
And wow, are we talented storytellers. Honestly, if overthinking burned calories, most of us would have six-pack abs by now.
Try This Instead
The next time your brain starts auditioning for the next season of <insert any show with terrible acting here>... pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself:
"What else could be true?"
Maybe they weren't ignoring you. Maybe they're overwhelmed.
Maybe this isn't failure. Maybe it's feedback.
Maybe this delay is actually protecting you from something you can't see yet.
You don't have to convince yourself that everything is sunshine and rainbows. Life is messy. Some days the level of suckatude (if that's not a word it should be) is immeasurable.
Perspective isn't pretending those days don't exist. It's remembering that you get to decide which narrator is telling the story.
Here's What I Hope You Remember
You are not your first thought.
You're the person who gets to decide whether to believe it. And that... changes everything.
When you stop looking for reasons you're failing...
you start noticing evidence that you're growing.
When you stop looking for rejection...
you start seeing connection.
When you stop looking for what's missing...
you begin noticing what's already overflowing.
Your life may not change overnight. But your experience of it absolutely can. And sometimes... that's where transformation begins.
So the next time your Board starts panicking over an email that simply says, "Can we talk?"... don't let the Drama Queen run the meeting. Invite your Wise One to the head of the table instead. She usually has much better ideas.
Before You Believe Your Thoughts...
If you're like me, you need something practical now — so here we go.
Next time you notice yourself spiraling, try this. Grab a notebook — or the back of a grocery receipt. I'm not picky.
Write down:
What happened?
Just the facts.
What thought immediately popped into my head?
Don't censor it.
What emotion did that thought create?
Anxiety? Anger? Shame? Embarrassment?
What's the evidence this thought is 100% true?
What else could be true?
Not "What's the most positive explanation?" Just... "What's another explanation I haven't considered yet?"
That tiny question is often enough to quiet the Drama Queen and give your Wise One the microphone again.
Remember:
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
May you notice the stories you've been believing, question the ones that no longer serve you, and choose perspectives that leave your cup a little fuller than it was yesterday.